Nocturnal Much?

Dearest me, these constant efforts to make me well are getting old. To be honest, I'm done. I no longer have the desire to attempt to make peace within my body. Nothing works; the diets, the psychotherapy, the pills, nothing. Every time it fails, a little piece of me dies, deep down where nobody's been. The piece inside that offers me hope for a moderately normal lifestyle. The piece inside that says "It'll be over soon, just close your eyes and pretend you're elsewhere, maybe the next round of blood tests will come back with good news". The little glimmer of faith that tomorrow will be a better day. Sure, it might seem childish to give up now, but seriously....I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. Now, when I was younger, it wasn't as painful, frequent, or long-lasting as it is now, but it was still there. At least this time I know food doesn't make a difference, so I don't have to attempt to starve myself.
Hmm, if I ever have rats again, I'm naming one Karma. Or perhaps Braxten and Morris. Yes, and then I can get some rest. My room is too quiet without my girls scampering about and nibbling their food. Now the only thing that gets me sleeping like a baby is Yo Gabba Gabba, or re-runs of low-budget horror movies on Chiller, oddly enough. Can't sleep through The Upside Down Show, those British accents are simply too adorable.

The Other Day

The other day I realized that horror flash games arent as scary to me as they used to be. A few years ago, I was super scared of "The House", and "Exmortis" caused me to scream quite frequently. Of course, after you play a game, you know when the scares are, and I realize that. I was playing "The House 2" and was very depressed by the non-scariness factor of the game. The parts that were supposed to be scary were EXTREMELY predictable, and I guessed what was to happen correctly in nearly every room. Is there ANY horror game out there that could scare me again? I miss that twisty feeling you get when you are about to go to bed after you are done playing a game, and how acute your senses become. Dead Space must have made me set my expectations too high. 8 /
Do you know of a good horror flash game? If so, leave the name/link in the comments!

Yay! Somewhat.

Well, I'm kinda busy having a sleepover and staying up watching low-budget horror films...later! Also I'm sad because I am not scared by horror and violence and gore and things that make little kids scream! Ugh. >.< It was fun while it lasted. Later....hey, maybe I'll explain my language tomorrow???

Dear Karma: You have the wrong person.

Woah, I forgot what the sunshine looked like. I've been cooped up in my bed for 2 days straight. Lots of fun! Not too long ago I went a little over a month like this. After I got out I had difficulties going up and down stairs! But losing your faith in healing is a good thing, or it is for me at least. I used to get so excited after the doctors would promise I'd be all better with the new medications, the new tests, the new procedures. Then I felt twice as bad when I realized the only thing at work was the Placebo effect. I know they mean well, but I've completely given up now. No point in even trying. Knowing everything is going downhill is a lot easier to comprehend than a hopeless rollercoaster of wasted money and crushed dreams of having a somewhat "normal" life. This brings me back to my constant craving of simplicity, and the monotony which trails behind it. Do I secretly enjoy the uniformity of being confined and restricted? If this is the case, why do I enjoy torturing myself? Dear Karma: You have the wrong person.

Simplicity

It's days like today where I wish I was still that little kid, playing with Hot Wheels, thinking the hardest thing to overcome is the wait until Christmas. When everything that mattered to you made sense. When the most painful injury was a scrape on the knee. When everybody kept their promises. (Well, maybe they didn't keep their promises, but at least I would forget about them.) Simplicity. I miss the simplicity. Swear I'm about to go insane.

As the wise Anna Nalick once said,
Well, it takes all of my strength to be stable
And I force your insults under the table
And if you were wise you would compromise
And allow me to live my way
I'll just fall asleep and have more dreams about killing zombies and demons and having my organs ripped out by the living dead. Later.

Little Post, Little Kids

Hello, again. Another short post. After I posted my little doodle up to DeviantArt, one of the seasoned Deviants suggested I try hyper-realism drawings. It's gonna take some practice, and a bunch of tutorials, but I think I can do this. Have a suggestion of something for me to draw? Throw me a comment! No really, because I've only got one comment from someone other than myself X_X
Also, Mercedes and Changaroni from Glee look ADORABLE as little kids!

Where'd the Quinnster go? Maybe she's allergic to small children?

Hello again! *sighs*

I've been taking some chill time to do a little recovery work. My rat died, and this past year has been overflowing with death, violence, ignorance, and entirely unnecessary drama. I need an outlet, which has now become doing meticulous sketches of objects like so.

Perhaps you wonder why exactly I'm eating a rubber duck? I have no clue! It just seemed like the right thing to do. Well I have really nothing pleasant, exciting, uplifting, humorous, or generally acceptable to talk about. Goodbye.

Glee / A desperate request

Anyone who tuned in to watch Glee last night was shocked (I LITERALLY screamed!) to find that Karofsky (left) KISSED Kurt in the locker room, after Hummel confronted him about the frequent abuse he had been suffering. He denied kissing Kurt later in the episode, and obviously has no plans of "coming out" any time soon. Though entirely taken aback, I kinda feel glad for Kurt, because now he's not entirely alone. Even though Karofsky is a complete loser. Multiplied by googolplex.

Also, I request a favor from you, darlings. A couple years ago, I became quite attached to a game called Slasher! sponsored by theN. (Now known as TeenNick, again....) This game was absofrickinlutely amazing! If you have ever heard of a party game called "Mafia" or "Bullfrog", it is the online PIMPED OUT super amazing-version. In which you are either a camper, psychic, slasher, or cop. Unfortunately, the servers screwed up somehow, and the game is no longer offered. If ANYONE out there knows of a decent alternative, I will love you forever and ever and give you e-hugs! That's right, free e-hugs!

Until next time, Psycho out. If you persuade me, I might take some pictures with my personalized bracelets. Or explain my alternate language that you can use to outsmart most people if passing notes tickles your fancy. Or kidnap Adam Young and make him write me a song. (Okay, the last one is unrealistic but ANYTHING is possible!)

Take your pick. / Get to know my music.

Hmm....Jesy McKinney or Taylor Lautner? I think we all know the answer to that. :D
Or MINE, at least! XD
Okay, I'm done, my male audience can stop dramatically rolling their eyes.....

I figure the best way into a girl's heart is through her ears, so I thought I should probably share my music selections with you eventually. I probably love 75% of the music that isn't like Disney pop, hardcore rap, or country. Here's a few artists that I've specifically showed my love for on Pandora. I'm certainly missing a few of my loves, though. But, since I have around 300+ artists (and that is an iffy guess, I figure if I have liked 750-1,00 songs, and a few artists are repeats...) you probably don't want to read that long. I understand.
A Fine Frenzy, Adele, Alice In Chains, Amy Winehouse, Anna Nalick, Avril Lavigne, Beck, Boys Like Girls, Cage the Elephant, Cake, Christina Perri, Dot Dot Dot, Dream Theater, Edguy, The Fray, Glee, Kansas, Jason Mraz, Lesley Roy, Meg & Dia, Megan McCauley, Metallica, Nitin Sawhney, OneRepublic, Owl City, Paramore, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Regina Spektor, Queen, Skillet, Smashing Pumpkins, Symphony X, The Ting Tings, and last but CERTAINLY not least, The Veronicas.

Dot Dot Dot gets "hot, HOT, HOT Award" for my outstanding fangirl addiction to their catchy Chicago-based music for probably 4ish years now. And because they said that they loved me on their official Facebook page. That really helps as well.

The Veronicas get the "Anna's Bold Font Award" for writing catchy songs, most of which I can relate to. Except for the one about kissing girls. Let's leave that up to Katy Perry.

What kind of music do you like? How old were you when you figured out the Tooth Fairy wasn't real. What game would you like me to review? All VERY important answers that can easily be answered by sending a comment my way!
Peace, Love, and Plentiful Pomegranates 'til next time,
Anna <33

Game Night, King.com, and Pity

Reminder: I will love you forever if you actually respond to the "Reactions" tab thing, south of this post.

Back again, everyone. Last night, I went over to my amigo's house for game night. Shocking, a girl that enjoys playing video games! Shut your gob. Also, don't tell me to make a sandwich. That's what the guys that work at Subway are for, hun. I'm learning how to play D&D....we were still making characters, but I'm supposed to be a gnome woman person named Y í mmypam. That is my name in my invented language, which I plan to explain later. It's nice to see real human beings. Quite lovely.

Unfortunately, I have become addicted to King.com YET again. At least (for now) Zynga no longer has hold to me. I really need to catch up on my homework, I'm so terribly far behind.

<<If you have issues with gore, then this is the end of my post. Have a lovely day, darling.>>

Have you ever watched a movie in which something (or someone) is brutally injured, and you wish you could just kill them, right on the spot, to get rid of the pain? Imagine you have a pet. This pet, that you have had for two years, grown close to and cared for, begins to rapidly lose weight. It's cheek expands to triple (or more) of it's initial size, and eventually explodes, revealing all the muscle and other gorey objects within. The veterinarians (whom you've insisted were wrong, twice in a row now,) have misdiagnosed your little critter, and still she suffers from their unobservancy. You attempted to euthanize the pet in a humane way described to you, but it didn't die. This is what is happening to my pet rat, Little Girl (whose species and name you are not allowed to judge) over the past month or so. What do you guys think? She does seem to be getting slightly better, her cheek does not appear to be infected, and she seems to enjoy herself. We are feeding her wet rat food mixed with baby food, and she eats it right up. Though her face is majorly ripped up, I think there may be a chance of her surviving. She doesn't cry at night, so I figure she isn't in a large amount of pain. I'm not sure if caring for her is just prolonging her suffering, or if it is the right thing to do. I would feel terrible knowing I put her down, but she most likely would have survived. Oh goodness, this sucks.

So, this is my life.

I've not really had that exciting of a life. I live in a small town, with not a lot of stuff to do. I am homeschooled (for now) due to EXTREMELY irritating complications with coordinating my life around "IBS". IBS is a rather annoying syndrome I am supposedly suffering from, though I house practically none of the symptoms. Crazy, right? Well I'm not gonna go into detail, but basically I will get very intense pain in my gut at random times of the day. Sometimes it lasts for days on end. I once missed an ENTIRE month of school because I couldn't hardly get out of bed.
I have very few good friends, but I'm stuck to them like hair to a staticky (it didn't look right to me without a k) television screen. I have a million different personalities, and I feel like a chameleon most of the time. I suppose being a poser is better than being a loser. I guess I have such a wide array of personas because I really don't know who I am. One thing I do know is that I never want to become a lifeless robot conformed into pop culture and becoming perfect. Mama like to mix it up a little! It pains me to see all these people controlled by their obsession with self-image, and what desperate measures they are willing to go to to look like the beautiful girls on the cover of those trashy check-out counter magazines.
Okay, so basically I've gone off on a rant off-topic. My English teacher would be so ashamed that I like the conversations that start with "What did you think of the new Metallica album?" and end with "And that, my friend, is why you NEVER put your pet rat on the desk in your computer room." So, since I have wandered so terribly far, I will repost a little thing I came up with and put on my Facebook not too long ago.

Monotony-The one thing I fear, yet it is the one thing I know the best.
I am more than just a test score
I am stubborn and fragile
I am content but unsatisfied
I am looking forward to a future but not ready to let go of the past
I can forgive but will never forget
I am happy, but in pain
I quite honestly don't care if you think I am insane, you're just reinforcing my opinion that I see things in a different way than most people
I wish that man had never discovered the conveniencies (if that's not a word, it is now) of technology, because nature's beauty can never be recreated or properly replaced by man's clever inventions. We are not, nor can we ever compare to God. <<EDIT See? I told you I make up words all the time.>>
I want to know that God is really there, looking out for me
I have a weak, unsure faith, yet I will defend Him like a warrior of religion
I am silent, yet filled with hate.
The word "love" means NOTHING in today's society. It is overused, uncredited, and doesn't mean what it used to. Love is much deeper than what it "means" today.
I feel as if the world we live in will be over very, very soon
I will NEVER dare let a curse word exit my lips, for such talk will never uplift, encourage, inspire, or positively influence another being. ever.
Cursing brings so much hurt to me, I cannot stand being it
I am hypocritical and paranoid
I embrace pain, as it gives me a new perspective on my life
I criticize, but hate to be criticized
I honestly do think that I have a mental disability of some sort
I see past the frivolous nature of the world, because in the end the image you portray doesn't really make a difference
Just because there is a smile on my face doesn't mean I am happy
There are only 3 people in the world who truly understand my ways of pure insanity: me, my best friend, and God.
I am longing for a new revolution, where your race or gender doesn't mean a thing, where we can get along peacefully, where the heartbreak of this world is duller, where I can be flawed and still appreciated, where my opinions, ideas, and judgements are not discredited because of my gender or age, and I can take courage in knowing that the word "equality" actually has true meaning to me, and every living being on the planet.
I'll let this settle for a bit while I come up with some inspiration for another post. Later everyone.

Welcome, call me Venus F. Lytrap. Please turn off your Lame-O-Meter. It may spontaneously combust.

In an attempt to improve my pathetic life, I've decided to create a blog. Not just any blog, mind you. A blog about an overly-observant, implying, homeschooled-due-to-sickness, half-Christian, sarcastic, hypocritical, opinionated, gaming girl living in a tiny town that is suffocating me in every aspect imaginable. Assumably, by now you've either become offended by my over-usage of commas in the previous sentence, or you think I'm not entirely a loser. Wicked. My mission (aside from embracing procrastination as a full-time job) is to entertain you with my life, and open your eyes to new ways of thinking about things. And to make you like zombies. And Jesy McKinney. Oh yes, Jesy will most likely be a recurring topic here. Well, I don't want to overwhelm you with my every single bit of my psychoticicity, (oh! you will soon learn that I have a more exotic vocabulary than unwords.com) I shall save some for a later date. Farewell.